In the depths of struggling with mental health we can feel unlovable.
I am unloveable.
This is what I believe.
How could someone love something so flawed, so broken as me?
I doubt my own worth,
Doubt that I belong.
What can I offer that isn’t tainted?
That hasn’t been touched by life’s painful poison?
At first glance you see a form of beauty.
Vulnerable and captivating you long to save me.
Yet times passes and waiting gets old.
I cannot be fixed, or be made whole.
There is nothing that can protect me.
The monster I seek to flee is always upon my heels.
It does not relent.
It does not forgive.
Its claws are in me.
My skin has healed but beneath the wounds remain.
I am lost to you.
I am becoming a burden.
Your hopes to win me thwarted.
Where once hope resided now lives despair.
Where once you held me now silence fills the air.
The fight has left me.
The trying to belong has gone.
I have accepted that I travel this road alone.
Promises are broken,
Plans now only ashes.
Where there was warmth, now only cold.
Where there was love, now endless emptiness.
I do not blame you.
For how could you know
That to love me would be so hard.
You must live your life
Soar the skies, travel the seas.
I will not hold you back,
I will not be your anchor.
For this butterfly has only just got her wings
Learning to fly takes time you see,
and my wings are still a little broken.
Maybe they will be for all eternity.
I am me
I am tainted
I am broken
I am unloveable